Lord, I wish I knew

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Lord, I wish I knew that
In my sinning, I don’t in any way revenge
For my unheard prayers and my sad life
Lord, I wish I knew that
I do not get payback by forsaking you, renouncing my faith
Or practicing what is contrast of you

Lord I wish I knew that
My sin does not any way strike a nerve
Destructing you from your plan of salvation to mankind
I wish I knew that you mean a lot to me
I wish the thought of, “without me you’ve lost a soul” did not reign
I wish I knew that I did you no favor in my great works
Nor in my heart-felt worship

Lord I wish I knew that
I don’t hurt you in any way by me not going to church
I wish I knew that judging your children
Makes me no saint nor justifies my sin
I wish I knew that you are above the man whose life I adored
The man who told me am nothing and I listened
The idol I created to replace you
To learn from his previous practices of success

Lord I wish I knew that
What I really aspired to do by my own will come back void
I wish I knew that there’s nothing in being the top while you came last
And that there is nothing precious in having all by myself and nothing in myself
I wish I knew that having you was everything
Something that I really questioned before
I wish men knew how you love and protect them
How slow you are to anger
And how merciful and graceful you are to them

I wish I knew but now I know
That my finite mind has severally lead me to destruction
That there is no satisfaction in sin
But there is great triumph in winning against opposing forces
I now know that am nothing without you
Because I have tried running my life on my own
But Godlessness led me to hopelessness

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